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Yesterday is History.
Tomorrow a Mystery.
Today is a Gift.
That's why it's called The Present!

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The Present

Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day. Every evening it deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course! Each of us has such a bank. Its name is TIME. Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day. If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no going back. There is no drawing against the "tomorrow." You must live in the present on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success! The clock is running. Make the most of today.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Memorize your favorite poem.
3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
4. When you say, "I love you", mean it.
5. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
12. Talk slow but think quick.
13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?".
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Call your mom.
16. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
17. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
18. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
19. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
20. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
22. Marry a man you love to talk to. As you get older, his conversational skills will be as important as any other.
23. Spend some time alone.
24. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
26. Read more books and watch less TV.
27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
28. Trust in God but lock your car.
29. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
31. Read between the lines.
32. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
33. Be gentle with the earth.
34. Pray - there's immeasurable power in it.
35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
36. Mind your own business.
37. Don't trust a man who doesn't close his eyes when you kiss him.
38. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
39. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
40. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
41. Learn the rules then break some.
42. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
44. Remember that your character is your destiny.
45. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

On Valentine's Day ... and every day ... maybe we should share this sentiment with those we love.

I MEANT

I meant to call and thank you
But my time was in demand.
I meant to say, "I love you"
But I knew you'd understand.
I meant to send you flowers
But they cost so much you know.
I meant to pray for you this morning,
But I had some place to go.
I meant to say "Forgive me",
But that's so hard to do.
I heard my God say, "Bless you child"
I hope he meant me, too.

A great white shark says to another after a most appetizing lunch of two divers: "I hate the tanks, they give me gas."

You know it's a bad day diving when...

10 - The divemaster gets seasick

9 - The dive operator tells you your C-Card is over its limit

8 - You notice the receipt for your air fill is from "A-1 Propane"

7 - Your computer starts flashing the number for DAN

6 - As you are preparing your entry, someone points at the water and says "Wow, look at the size of that thing!"

5 - You look around and your buddy has disappeared; along with all of the fish

4 - The divemaster gives you a speargun to take along "...just in case"

3 - Your buddy offers you his regulator and asks "Do you want a hit?"

2 - While hanging on the line for your safety stop, the boat passes you on the way down

1 - "Does anyone here know CPR?"

Alleged radio conversation released by the US Chief of Naval Operations, 10-10-95:

Station #1: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Station #2: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to South to avoid a collision.
Station #1: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
Station #2: No, I say again, you divert your course.
Station #1: This is the aircraft carrier Enterprise, we are a large warship of the US Navy. Divert your course now!
Station #2: This is the Pudget Sound lighthouse. It's your call.

"IANTD Divers do it longer."

"A dive is a terrible thing to waste. Dive Nitrox." excerpt from an IANTD Tee Shirt

"Nitrox is a GAS!"

RULES FOR BEING HUMAN

1. You will receive one body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire time you're here.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn the lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error, and experimentation. The failed experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately works.

4. A lesson is repeated until learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can then go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

6. There is no better a place than here. When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here".

7. Others are merely mirrors of you. You can not love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie inside you. The answers to life's questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

If you are one of those people who feels tired of working (just like me) too much, it is good to remember the words of Bernard Shaw who wrote:

"The year is made up of 365 days, each having 24 hours, 12 of which are night time hours, which add up to a total of 182 days.

This leaves you with 183 days to work minus 52 Sundays, which leaves you with 131 days to work minus 52 Saturdays, which leaves you with 79 days to work.

But, there are 4 hours each day, set aside for eating, which adds up to 60 days, which leaves you 19 days for working. But you are entitled to 15 days of your vacation, which means you have 4 days left for work minus 3 days, which you usually take off due to illness or other emergencies, which leaves you 1 day to work, which happens to be Labor Day which is a Holiday."

SO, WHY ARE YOU SO TIRED?

Three men went to a motel. The man behind the desk said the room is $30, so each man put up $10 each and went to the room...

A little while later the desk man realized the room was only $25, so he sent the bellhop back to the 3 guys room with $5. On the way to the room the bellhop couldn't figure how to split the $5 between the 3 guys so he just gave each one of them $1 and he kept the other $2. That left the 3 guys paying $9 each for the room. 3 x $9 = $27+ the $2 that the bellhop kept = $29. Where is the other dollar??????

Cutting-edge technology for the country folk :

LOG ON : Making a wood stove hotter.
LOG OFF : Don't add no more wood.
MONITOR : Keeping an eye on the woodstove.
DOWNLOAD : Gettin the farwood off the truk.
MEGA HERTZ : When yer not keerful gettin the farwood.
FLOPPY DISC : Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood.
RAM : That thar thing whut splits the farwood.
HARD DRIVE : Gettin home in the winter time.
PROMPT : Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.
WINDOWS : Whut to shut when it's cold outside.
SCREEN : Whut to shut when it's blak fly season.
BYTE : Whut dem dang flys do.
CHIP : Munchies fer the TV.
MICRO CHIP : Whut's in the munchie bag.
MODEM : Whacha did to the hay fields.
DOT MATRIX : Old Dan Matrix's wife.
LAP TOP : Whar the kitty sleeps.
KEYBOARD : Whar ya hang the dang keys.
SOFTWARE : Them dang plastic forks and knifs.
MOUSE : What eats the grain in the barn.
MAIN FRAME : Holds up the barn ruf.
PORT : Fancy Flatlander wine.
ENTER : Northerner talk fer, "C'Mon in y'all."
MOUSE PAD : That hippie talk fer the rat hole.
RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY : When ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks.

Lessons From a Long Life

Age 7 - I've learned that you can't hide broccoli in a glass of milk.

Age 8 - I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing "Silent Night."

Age 9 - I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back.

Age 12 - I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.

Age 13 - I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up.

Age 15 - I've learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me.

Age 24 - I've learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice.

Age 26 - I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures.

Age 29 - I've learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there.

Age 39 - I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.

Age 41 - I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it.

Age 44 - I've learned that you can make someone's day by simply sending them a little card.

Age 46 - I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his need to cast blame on others.

Age 47 - I've learned that children and grandparents are natural allies.

Age 49 - I've learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits for hours.

Age 50 - I've learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.

Age 52 - I've learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

Age 53 - I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die.

Age 58 - I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life.

Age 61 - I've learned that if you want to do something positive for your children, try to improve your marriage.

Age 62 - I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

Age 64 - I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.

Age 65 - I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

Age 66 - I've learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision.

Age 72 - I've learned that everyone can use a prayer.

Age 73 - I've learned that it pays to believe in miracles. And to tell the truth, I've seen several.

Age 82 - I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

Age 85 - I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch: holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

Age 92 - I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

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